And he walked alone

Dated November 20,2011
It’s been 9 days since our beloved Patches left us. It ended his suffering or so I would like to believe. Life hasn’t been the same for any of us, definitely not for me. I miss him every minute of my day and I cannot seem to get him out of my system. Relationships are so important to everybody but some of them make such an everlasting impact on us. We would like to believe we can walk alone, but we never do. We need some source of love to keep us going. Like the saying goes relationships are like crystals, you don’t realize how important they are until they are broken. For people who have not had a pet, you will not experience unconditional love unless you have one.

Patches, was a true gift to us. We rescued him from pet rescue organization when we lived in NY. He was thoroughbred. He was given away because he couldn’t be shown in AKC. He was short for a male cocker. Like I said, we were very lucky. He was sold for a reduced price to a couple in Maine, who gave him up to another couple in CT and they couldn’t keep him because they found out soon after they were expecting a baby. They couldn’t deal with housebreaking a puppy and a first pregnancy. That’s how he landed in the rescue in NY. We met him on a Saturday morning after a series of phone calls to make an appointment to meet him at the rescuer’s house. Well we made it, but we meant to see the buff female not a tricolor male. But we realized she found her forever family, the day before and we just missed her. Well we were there and we thought we would spend sometime with Patches a chubby 11-month-old cocker so full of energy. All he cared about was his tennis ball. I fell in love with him instantly. He was so innocent and so content with just a dirty old ball. Why can’t we be like him? We were going to make him family. But it wasn’t easy as soon as they knew we were Vegetarians. They said another couple was seeing him and they would decide and call us. We kept our fingers crossed.But,like I said we were lucky.Marla called us before we got home.She said the other couple had another dog and he didn’t seem to like Patches. So we were the lucky one. Hurray!! for us.

We met at the nearest Petsmart signed the paper work and spent a fortune on our new baby. I was more than ecstatic. He has been the center of my universe since Feb 15,2002. He stood by me unconditionally with unwavering love. Always there for me through the rough sleepless nights with the two babies when the whole house slept. Through the terrible moods and the depressing days of postpartum. My pal was always there. Its just something different to experience unconditional love. He is physically not home now but I carry him in my heart always and he will be back to hold me together again. He walked alone but I think he will be back.

After he passed, I managed to get his adoption papers just to let Marla know that she made the last 10 years so bright for us and we learnt so much about love and patience from our beloved Patches then called Winston/Blaine.We wanted to convey our thanks to have made us so lucky. She remembered him in a heartbeat. We managed to get in touch with the breeder who had Patches’ family. We got in touch and coincidentally her next breeding is from Patches bloodline and she said she would keep us in our mind for an adorable puppy. We are now waiting for our Patches to come home to us again. I think we need him more than he needs us.

Oh!Please!For the love of DOG!

This weekend was unusually long and crazy with lots of things to be caught up with and the time just seemed to be slipping. Anyway I got some downtime on Sunday night and as I was flipping channels,a movie caught my attention. I saw a dog walking into a Snowy night. I couldn’t pass it without checking what it was. The movie was titled “ Hachi” . Oh! Darn but it was close to over,but I decided to just watch what was left of it. It was inspiring and based on a true story from Japan. It was about a dog which waited for nine years in the train station every day for his master to come back not knowing he died 9 years ago. I was almost in tears. Ofcourse he died waiting for him and found his place in history.
For all those who have had no dogs in your life, I say you are missing a very valuable lesson. My 10 year old cocker taught me lessons in patience and tolerance everyday. He taught never to be upset for too long. He taught me to love unconditionally. But I realized that’s not something you can share with a human being because we have a complicated mind. If we loved unconditionally either you would be looked upon like a person who has no bearings on reality or ridiculed or taken for granted.
I realize our 4 year old lab misses his buddy dearly but we are forced to leave him home by himself during the day. We do so with a great deal of guilt and try very hard to make up the time we spend apart when we are with him.But he doesn’t hold it against us when we see him in the evening. He jumps to receive us and smothers us with his kisses and wags his tails at 30 mph.
If you don’t have a dog, you are missing some true love in your life. Pets are truly the unconditional source of love. They are not your whole life, but they will definitely make your life whole!!

Make your smile cheaper

We all start with childlike innocence and sooner or later are forced to be wrapped up in mundane existence. I compiled some thoughts I have collected over a period of time . I drifted, with pressures of life ,some called for and some uncalled for. I tell myself every morning , I am not here to blame or whine. I am not here to be irritated or to irritate.
I am here to smile and I would like to make my smile cheap. Anything should make me happy.

1. Review the context of your life
2. Know about life's impermanence
3. Make your smile cheaper
4. Be enthusiastic and praise
5. Make meditation a part of your life
6. Go to the most beautiful place
7. Communicate effectively
8. Take out time for yourself
9. Better the world around you
10. Nourish your emotions
11. Plan short and long term goals
12. Prayer is a vital tool
13. Implement changes if needed
14. Identify your limitations
15. Do not lose your friends
16. Don't look for perfection look for excellence.
17. Be unpredictable
18. Have a sense of humor
19. Don't be afraid to make mistakes
20. Overcome prejudice
21. Feel blessed
22. Do random acts of kindness
23. Be a student always
24. Dream the impossible
25. Compare your performance .

Anatomy of your world

Anatomy of your world !

I asked my kids, which part of the body would you like to be. My 4 year old says , I don’t know may be the legs.I want to be fast. Fair enough. My 8 year old says , I want to be the eyes , I can see and enjoy everything around me.God made some spectacular things and I would like to see them all.

The body teaches so many new things everyday. In a society we all collectively make a big happy body. Some people are eyes…they like to see and admire beauty.They might not exactly seem like they are interested in anything further than being passive watchers of what is happening around them and absorb it.Some are ears who pay attention to all the details and conversations that happens around them. Some are the brain and want to analyse and impart wisdom on everything that happens in front of them or on what they hear. Some are legs and arms who are the doers in a community and don’t mind getting their hands dirty and execute.

Some are the spinal cord , who silently support everything and still paid the least attention to until they wear out. They are the ones who are the backstage players who don’t need the limelight but they continue to silently work to keep everything going. When they go down, we can have a quite a pain in the back. We are all in one community and not having even one of us, is not healthy. We shouldn’t change what we are here for. We have different active ingredients, and that’s what makes the world colorful. We are all made for a reason and sooner we accept what we are made for, we may best serve us and the other around us.

What would you like to be ???

Be Yourself,Create Yourself,Love Yourself

There is no greater companion for you than “yourself” .Every morning, I thank myself for sticking around inspite for all the madness that we go through everyday. Each one of us have very colorful days. Some days are painted red and some are painted ,green,blue and purple. We need to get through them. The past few months, has been an interesting learning experience for me. We moved to a bigger city,dealt with a sick dog who was my best friend for 10 years. He gave me unconditional love all these years and we ended up losing him. We had family over to support us through the move ,but somethings are more important for you than it is for others. I looked for support from my friends,who for some odd reason decided it wasn’t worth keeping in touch anymore. Priorities changed everywhere and life goes through some change of scenery unexpectedly. But we cannot stop driving .
Each of the days I spent in quiet introspection of my situation made me realize sometimes there is nobody around to hold your hand, but one person who is always there for you is just YOU. Life is not about finding yourself but creating a new you everytime the scenery in your life changes.
As George Bernard Shaw says, life is not about how many breaths you take but by the moments that take your breath away. So resolve to Love yourself like nobody else will, for if you don’t there will be nobody else who will. Nobody can be better at being you than “Yourself” . We are all angels in earth and being ourselves is the best thing we can do. If we Love ourselves we will touch every person we meet with LOVE for there is nothing better to share.

Turnstile conversations

Our mind works in peculiar ways. How often have we gone from being extremely happy to being anxious in just a few hours. Life works in peculiar ways. I think we have all been in situations in everyday life, where we are perhaps super excited to go to a movie and feeling extremely upbeat. We go to the theatre with excitement and then when we don’t get tickets ,go from being upbeat and excited to rather cranky and upset .Some of us show disappointment in being irritable to others around us and some being worrisome and anxious.
We cannot deny disappointment is a part of our life. Big or small we have them everyday. My recent experience with my family's move, I had a rather large ego that my friends in my old town were my big support system. I realized they helped me through some rough situations, but life was never perfect. They let me down a bunch of times, but they were still friends I counted on as family. I left thinking they would never forget me and I would stay in touch forever. Its been 8 weeks since our big move and none of them have returned my emails or phone calls. It was a hit to my ego that they didn’t care as much to stay in touch in just a few weeks. So the same people I remembered with such pride as being part of my life are now being forced to be a distant memory and people who are acting rather like strangers .
If I choose to I can remember them with the resentment that I was disappointed with how things changed between us, but they were a big part of my life a few months earlier for all the good reasons. I think I should choose not change that emotion about them and not let my ego take over next time. I can be replaced in their life and same applies to them in mine when new friends and new relationships build.
All of us have noticed the turnstile in the stations or amusement parks. They are also called the baffle gates. I would like to have one in my mind for the impressions we make of people. Like the turnstile only allows one person at a time, if we have a good impression about somebody , fight to keep it unchanged as long as we can.

Lite Relief

After a rather quick move (ironically,since I can barely move at 30 mph lately) , life has been unsettling. New job,new people,new home,new weather (Phew!!) life has been quite something.
I miss what I had a few months back and miss it dearly,but the cliché is “Life moves on”. And it does,whether you are willing to ride in the boat or not,it just moves. Most of the time, the typical human nature is we don’t like to be told things are going to be ok,unless the reassurance comes from within you.
I have met some wonderful people around here and we found good things to do here especially with the kids. But let us get to the humor in my situation now..life is just so fun now. I had a 10 min commute to work which is now a minimum of 74 mins without the traffic so you can imagine the fun I have on the road when we have a cop or two ;) . I bumped up a few numbers there .
We have some really famous summers here..I was getting used to 90s in the summer and here we enjoy being in the 105s upwards.I jumped a few units here and I think I moved from the toaster to the oven.Who wouldn’t enjoy being baked over toasted. What fun!!
Our first home had 2 digits for the home number and the second one had 3 digits and now we have 5. I think as I age , I need the challenge to keep my brain agile ;p . So adding to my fun, I bumped a few numbers here too . I had a recent visit to my doctor’s visit for the much awaited physical we all so enjoy. I was anticipating the same advise on the BMI for my age,eating right,exercising etc etc. I usually have a very low blood pressure (sometimes so freakily low that they think I am almost gone) ,but here I am talking to the nurse but guess what “I HAD NORMAL BLOOD PRESSURE” for the first time in ages  …I guess bumped up a few numbers there too.
Here is to new life,new challenges…there is no spice to life without change !

Learning curve

Have you ever wondered how learning is different for everybody.We choose to absorb what we enjoy . Unfortunately the world measures learning rather differently. In the recent past I realised I have had a urge to try something new.I decided to take dance lessons.It was a childhood passion but I never pursued it but lately though I don't have the luxury of time in my hands I seem to enjoy trying it.Its physically more enduring now but I feel the thirst to try something new.
As kids I think since we have a lot more opportunities in front of us and the time to try them all we do not value them as much.As we grow older we tend to use the time the best we can and if we want to pursue our passion we need to do the best we can to fit it in.
I guess the learning curve does not have anything to do with your age.I believe in the quote " Wear out ,don't rust out" .If you are capable of something then you need to work hard trying to keep it alive.You can stop when you are tired of doing it but do not stop unless you have tried. We all make our choices in life.In the recent years especially there are more working women than there were 10 years ago.Very few women make a choice to stay home and for some of them it is no longer even an option.
Whether you are at home or pursuing a career I think its important to thrive to be on the learning curve in order to keep the mind alive.I think its important to provide that edge for the mind so we can constantly tell ourselves we are still capable of absorbing new things that change around us.
Throw in a little challenge everyday in your life and there will always be something to look forward to the next day.
Try this fun puzzle and tease your brain
What 3 digit number can be divided by 3 ,have the order of the digits in the resulting number reveresed ,have 1 subtracted from the reversed number and yet end up being unchanged??
GOOD LUCK

Looking through the crystal ball

I often wonder how my kids will be when they grow up.Will they think like we are thinking now or would it be radically different then? They say life goes around in a circle does that mean they will start thinking the way my parents did when they were growing up.Will the old school of thoughts come back as a fashion then yet again like the 70s fashions now.
But in the recent years the mechanical pace of life and the way the technology has taken over our lives I wonder if their quality of life will improve or actually get worse.Thinking a few years back I think the standard of living was perhaps not as good but I think the quality of life was definitely better. More breathable air,lesser cases of cancer,more social life,more trees and lesser pollution.
India has now introduced cars for as cheap as one lakh and with loans available so easily, everybody wants to own one. Now we need to space to drive these cars which means cutting down trees for more highways.More cars means more pollution.Lesser trees means lesser oxygen.We are breathing such poor quality of air.
If only we could pay attention to the things that really matter ,I think we could improve the future for our kids.
A few basic things I teach my kids from a very early age is being aware of the world. They live in a very secure world.They don't know the concept of hunger and poverty. They don't know what an orphanage is.I always take them to one when I go home or even talk to them about kids who are battling fatal diseases.
We have to teach our kids to respect life and what is most precious of all "health". With the technology taking over the world so fast they have very little chance of experiencing the quality of life we enjoyed growing up.Most of us are hyper parents.We want the child to be successful.To a large extent too.I expect my child to excel in whatever she takes on. In a way its hard to draw the line.If we cut them too much slack they will not respect what they are learning. They need to understand its serious business.We have to teach them the principle of working hard but not be workoholics.
I decided to be more open to options with respect to my kids.I appreciate art a lot more now than I ever did before. She can be an artist if she wants to be one.He could be a sportsman and make a career out of it.As long as we drive the kids to be good at what they are doing and enjoy it I think we are teaching them to be better contributors for the society tommorrow. Its hard to imagine anybody besides doctor or engineer in the family, I think we will get used to it eventually.
Being successful also means being happy at what you are doing.I often wonder what is the most important thing I have to teach my kids to be happy or to be someone that makes you fit in the society. We have doctors and engineers in every family but we don't want to commit to making singers and dancers. I want them to appreciate art. If they want to career out of it and be happy I would be happy to support them. I am sure one day they will look back and realise that they did what they enjoyed doing the most.
Today is the age of hyper parenting.We want the kids to take all sorts of classes but because we want to be able to tell people that our child does music,dance or painting. But I wonder if we know for sure they enjoy it or not.Its important for them to enjoy art to be able to appreciate it.
"Childhood is a short season." There is always a moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future walk in. We never know when that happens and what the future holds but nevertheless childhood is all about hopes and dreams and we can dream with them and look through the crystal ball hoping that the future will have more trees , fresh air,less pollution and wonderful times for everyone of our children.They are our most wonderful resource and the best hope for our future.

Verge of exhaustion

I don't realise sometimes that I have lost the art of relaxing. I just cannot seem to do it anymore. I try and everytime I fail sooner or later either its because I have a screaming child or my husband needing something or one of the dog's getting into trouble. It almost seems impossible anymore . I am frustrated and usually in a rather grouchy mood because my moment of tranquility was ruined. I wish I could yell and scream as loud as I can but I have to settle down for grumbling under my breath because I have my kids watching my every move. I am more frustrated because I cannot express the way I feel anymore or even let out a loud scream to cleanse my system.
Perhaps I have definitely lost the art of relaxing.I cannot sit through a movie anymore. I had rather just fast forward it and watch the parts I am interested in and then get on with my life. I have definitely lost the art of relaxing.I try so hard to tell myself not to read in the bathroom but I think thats the only place where I have some sanity so I grab a book and I can perhaps skim over a couple of pages when I realise I have something cooking on the stove. I have definitely lost the art of relaxing.
I am in the verge of exhaustion and my mind and body is crying to tell me that I need to slow down and is crying to get a break . Life sure has spinned out of control with so many things happening ,I definitely have to tell myself its important to relax too in order to be productive.Somebody tell me how I can relax. I am beginning to understand now that I can no longer do "nothing" .

STOP!! Step on the brakes ! in pursuit of slowness

Our day starts out in a rather normal speed.I would say about 35 mph.As the clock ticks 6:30 AM , the momentum changes.By 6:30AM I finish drinking coffee and packing the kids' lunch.Now the whole day is ahead of us and we have to change gears to get everything done by the end of the day. The plan is laid out and first and foremost we have to get the kids up and get them ready for school,feed the dogs ,pack our lunch ,finish shower and get out of the door at 7:45 .If we clock the speed when we walk out to our car I can see we are easily clocking at 60 mph.
Heard an interesting talk by Carl Honore a british journalist.He has written about how he is struggling to slow down in his life.Its a simple book but every word of it is like walking through your own life. All households with dual careers go through that for sure. Its rather amazing how he can tell us exactly where we can slow down if we wished and how we are leading a rather fast paced life and degenerating the quality of life.
Nowadays we strive on structure.With my experience I can tell I need to have a schedule to make sure things are getting done for the entire family. Even the dogs know when they need to be fed.They are fed at the same time everyday.Its interesting how our mind and body get so adjusted to schedule.Its tough to be thrown off the schedule then I have to somehow make a quick recovery.
After listening to him talk we decided to take in easy in the weekends at the least. I sit down and drink my coffee instead of sipping on it while fixing breakfast or sorting laundry.
I can't complain about a fast paced life sometimes we need the speed to get everything we desire to be accomplished but slowing down sometimes really does feel good.

The thinker ...who made him Auguste Rodin or you??

A thinker plans, a clear thinker strategises.Though they both signify the same result and perhaps an organised approach to a situation when u strategise you are prepared to face any unforeseen changes that happen to the plan.Every plan comes with a scope for disaster.It will be more managable when we anticipate the potential disaster and be prepared with a back up to face that eventual situation.
When u are a "idea person" I can tell you that it could be cumbersome to pull off something that nobody expects to happen.You have a lot more possible scenarios to cover.We have to overcome this whenever we plan a vacation back home.The initial excitement dies as soon as we start receiving multiple suggestions. Now we know all the people we love and care about have some expectations from us.
Do we still follow through the simple plans we thought of initially or start making changes according to the recent suggestions tough choice and we know its not easy but we open Pandora's box anyway.
The suggestions continue endlessly,now the plan is not anywhere close to the simple vacation we planned .With the current plans it would be a miracle if we can actually stay put in one place for more than 24 hours and actually enjoy a lazy afternoon.It seems like its absolutely impossible to relax because we can see our calendar filling up quickly with events after events . There I see one afternoon free to go and catch an Indian movie with some friends ,well perhaps not we seem to have filled it up with some visits now.
As our family grew and we started travelling as a family we realised its not convenient to make changes atleast we can not be impulsive about changes. Now we strategise and we are prepared to face any challenges with new plans and a filled up calendar.Everything seems entertaining now anything to break our monotony is a welcome change.

Box full of Ideas

I think having some amount of imagination and creativity wouldn't hurt anyone.We shouldn't live with a script for our daily life.Ironically to a large extent we do. In the humdrum of daily chores we are tied down by doing the same things over and over again till it becomes like our second nature or like breathing. We fail to understand that we add color to our life by using our imagination and having some spontanaeity in our life.
I am not sure how many of us have read the books written by J.K Rowling.I am sure some of us brush it off as childish book and she is ofcourse categorised as a children's writer needless to say not many of us think its appropriate her books. I can shamelessly admit I love Harry Potter. What amazed me about the book and the movies ofcourse is the imagination and the amount of details she has provided for a fictitious world.Sure there are castles in Scotland but there are no flying dragons and talking mice but everything seems so real for awhile after you finish reading one of her books.
Alternative thinking seems uncanny but definitely worth exploring. I would love for my kids to keep their imagination alive and not get caught up in the monotony of growing up.To a large we don't lose our imagination but we are afraid to use it as we grow older thinking its childish to even think of following some of the funky ideas you might get into your head.I say we will never know unless we try it so go ahead and follow your mind and give it a shot.You never know when you might land on some unexplored world and will have fun writing about it later for millions to enjoy it. So lets keep in the child in us alive, its worth the try.

Destiny Guru ..Who is it?

Ever wondered about who drives our destiny. I think its probably one of the oldest discussions man has had. It was one of the foundation stones for Theism and Atheism.Some believe we drive our own destiny and some believe in their stars and a bigger force guiding theirs.Who is right?? I would say both.For those who say I am driving my own destiny as long as they retain their self confidence and not cross their line to be over confident they are still their own masters.When over confidence takes over then we are bound to fall because we may lose rationality in our thinking.
For those who believe that there is a bigger force , they are still their own masters but secretly are holding on to a faith that stops them from losing their modesty and still maintain their self confidence. Since they believe they are going to be protected all the time they are still confident and yet not over confident.
The bottom line is we all drive our destiny. We get what we work for.Recently I saw an interesting movie "Dasavatharam". Besides the versatality of Kamal Hasan where he has acted as ten different people I think the movie pretty much tells us that destiny is driven by us.It starts in the 13 th century Chola dynasty with Rangarajan Nambi and ends with Govind Ramaswamy in the beach front with the Tsunami.The link being the Vishnu statue sunk with Rangarajan centuries ago shifted the epicentre and caused the Tsunami to avoid the entire population being wiped out by the bio weapon.It was not a very strong screenplay and at any given moment I can give atleast a handful facts that were not true but yet the message was subtle and interesting.
We can all drive our own destinies if we have the desire.God helps only those who have a desire.

My Tasmanian devil

So far I have had so much to say about my daughter,ofcourse she is my first born the apple of my eye or perhaps she is our little girl.I have always wanted a girl and when I was pregnant for the first time so did my husband.We secretly hoped it would be a girl ofcourse we were going to love the baby even if it was a boy but I am sure we would have shown we were disappointed atleast for a minute. But we were lucky.We had a girl and she has been a wonderful experience.
Now the second one,call me biased but I still hoped it was a girl.I wanted my daughter to have a sister a best friend for life.It would be wonderful for her to have someone to count on all the time in her life even after we were gone.She was hoping to have a sister too but my husband hoped to have a son.I understand my daughter was beginning to do a lot of mom-daughter stuff with me and he was feeling left out and she was daddy's lil girl to begin with.That was a shock for him.
That was fair I thought and we were lucky the second time around too. We had a boy.He was cute as a button. When we found out he was due in October ,everybody said he is going to be handsome (Librans apparently were supposed to be good looking d-uh) .Well we didn't care we would love him anyway and he would be perfect for us .
There he was after 16 hours of labor and less than 10 pushes,perfect bundle of joy.My husband couldn't stop grinning. He was born on one of the most rejoiced hindu festivals and that was really special to all of us.We had sleepless nights and tiresome days but when we saw him smiling at us with his dimples it was priceless.
Time flies,he is 20 mons old now.He is no longer the quiet,sweet dimple faced kid.He is my tasmanian devil. He runs around like a maniac,teases his sister,bullies the dogs and makes sure he has us on our toes.He makes us realise at times that we are older now and can't keep up at times.
He is called "Mr.Outdoor" in his school.He loves to be outside.His favorite thing in the whole world is ball and red cars. I can see him see him enjoying playing sports and also hanging out with blonde girls. His new admirer is a lil blonde blue eyed cutie pie in his class Rylee. She loves to hug him and ofcourse he pretends to be cool and then play shy.But he steals our heart with all the lil stunts he pulls.
He is my Tasmanian devil but I wouldn't trade him for anything in this world.

Parenting Paradox

I have been a parent for 5 years now and I can rightfully say I am still learning.Its amazing how our kids think we are people who know everything and we think we are still learning.Our kids grow up too far away from home and we are the only people they look up to ,my husband and me.We sometimes feel the pressure and we have to constantly be watchful of how we say things and what we do because we are being watched all the time.
Kids are very observant. When you think they don't notice somethings they can totally stump you.My daughter is one of those classic cases of selective hearing. She tends to hear what she likes and the rest of it just flies right under her nose.But she made us realise how amazingly observant kids could be and how powerful their memory is.She can recollect promises we made weeks ago and ofcourse in our packed life ,we let it slip. She waits patiently when the time is right and lets us know that we did break a promise and so now we have to do something better than that.They are political .. kids.They learn so young. They know how to play the cards perfectly.
In our last parent teacher conference her teacher said she had an amazing memory. We moved her from her old school to the new school in the middle of the school year so we thought she would struggle. But she caught up amazingly fast and picked up on some of the curriculum she had never been introduced to.The new school has an interesting class in sign language. She had managed to pick up all the 200 signs perfectly in a matter of 3 months. Wow.... signs,thats amazing I thought. Now I see her in a whole new perspective. She has something I don't .. memory.So, we better watch out what we say to her.A new respect I would say.
A couple of years ago we started out with our daughter thinking we are the two people who knew everything in the world now we think our daughter knows so many things we don't.Amazing how things turn out. I think the process of learning is so wonderful .
As parents we want the best for our children.As a team we concentrate on different things.He teaches them what he knows the best and I teach them what I know the best.Its important to thrive as a team as parents , so we can always count on the other person to take on tasks you may not be very good at. My daughter's classic phrase is "Mommy knows a lot but daddy knows everything" . I think its wonderful if we can count on our children to be our teachers when we grow up.
Parenting is showering care,guidance and love to our kids and in the process we learn so much more everyday from them.The fact is life goes around in a circle,so if we put in the best effort now we will be able to see wonderful people in the future.

Toxic Talk

I read an interesting article by Dr.APJ Abdhul Kalam.It was eye opening to see how much damage we can do to ourselves by self talk. Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and made a positive comment like "I am looking nice today or I have a good hair day". Perhaps not we would most likely make comments like " I am fat" or " I wish I had a better complexion"
According to psychologists it takes seventeen positive statements to offset a negative one.When I read the article it was almost like somebody slapped me on my face .We do not intend to criticise but we do.Knowingly or unknowingly we do cause the damage everyday.
I found some interesting set of toxic vocabulary words .Notice these when you or somebody else is using them
But: Negates any words that are stated before it.
Try: Presupposes failure
If : Presupposes that you may not
Might: It does nothing definite.It leaves options for your listener'
Would Have : Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen
Could Have : Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit for it as if it did.
Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen(implies guilt)
Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.

Have you noticed doing this.When your child is running you say "don't run you are going to fall" .Likelihood is he/she will definitely fall and then you will say I told you so. I think this is a typical scenario we face everyday.I repeat this everyday with my 5 year old daughter when she is having her milk in the morning "I say you are going to spill your milk be careful" .What do you think happens ? She definitely spills it and tempers flare up because we are ready to load them in the car and now I have a mess to clean on the kitchen floor , a screaming child and frustration. I wish I had just said " Hold the cup tight and finish it up fast" . This would have a given her a more positive mental picture and she would have done exactly that.Try it. I did and it works.
I try very hard to create positive mental pictures for my kids now and they seem to be responding very well and in turn there is very little criticism that goes around at home.Its much more calmer and managable.
Examples :
Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"
Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"
Limit toxic talk from your vocabulary.Make a list of words you use to do toxic self talk or on others and you will begin to catch them yourself and change it.This is a simple exercise Dr.Abdhul Khalam suggested. It really works .Change it and feel the power of positive talk.

What's your choice??

Every situation we face there is always a simple way to solve it. Have you realised what seems simple enough for you may be monumental achievement for another. For example , a simple addition is a colossal problem for my 5 year old but walking on a monkey bar or doing cartwheels is next to nothing. I would not be able to do cartwheels for nuts and certainly swinging upside down from a monkey bar is almost an impossible feat.
I realised that I had lost my sense of adventure. As kids I had great fun forming a secret society and going into the woods and look for clues to fight villians. Now I am perpetually scared of letting my dogs out into the woods.I am afraid they could get hurt.I am constantly reminded that they are dogs and they have to satisfy their sense of adventure when they are out in the wild.
We try constantly to find solutions to problems in our everyday life but things are better solved when you are laid back and you think of the simplest possible way to deal with it. Some people say I am perfectionist but I can say truthfully that I am obsessive.I am not extremely proud of it. I need everything straightened out in my family room before I go to bed even if its at 1 AM. I cannot see dirty dishes in the sink even if that means losing 30 mins of my valuable sleep time of which I get very little anyway. If we strive to be simple I think sometimes we will find ourselves finding a little more time to do somethings we like to do like read a book or watch a movie.Its been several years now since I actually sat straight through a movie. I am so restless and itching to get something done during that time. But I wish I could just tell myself I deserve that time to relax and just enjoy it.
I found that its always tougher to be simple than to be complicated . We need to execute to be more simple. Kids are always smiling because they don't have a problem with dirty clothes or a dirty room. They don't care if their toys are all over the floor they would still rest comfortably in their bed.We could definitely learn a thing or two here. I wish I could learn to think like a child and start working towards uncomplicating my life. Good luck with that !! :)

Goals and dreams

"Goals are dreams with a deadline" interesting way to think of something we all have in our life.Everybody has dreams but not many make them their goals. I think being goal oriented in life makes you very focussed . Being ambitious makes you more driven and seldom or never bored. You will constantly be challenged and that improves your perspective of everything around you. You do not ponder on irrelevant issues but stay focussed on the direction you are heading.
All the great achievers started off with a dream and then made that their goal. They chose to stay in that direction. Its not important what path you take as long as you are in the right direction. "The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me. ~Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead" This quote from the book the FountainHead is truly inspirational. Life would not be interesting if everything came easy.Challenges add the spice to our life. We cannot let anything stop us from getting where we want to be.
Life' s problems wouldn't be called "hurdles" if there wasn't a way to get over them. There is a weird sense of satisfaction when we do achieve something we set out to do. If we aim for the moon we might atleast land in the stars. Go ahead and set a goal none is too far from achieving and its never too late to be what you want to be.

Westernization or dilution

As the corporate world takes over , all countries big and small are influenced by the increasing demands of advanced technology and greater standards of living. Its now the era of fast food and life in the fast track. Everybody is in a rush ,a race against time . India has grown leaps and bounds in a very short span of time. Its amazing to see the infrastructure in the cities now and compare it with what was exsisting 5 years ago.It makes me very proud that my country has grown so much in a short period of time. India is predicted to grow by 7-8% by the end of 2009 by the economy experts ,which is an amazing improvement.

We have to lose something to gain something they say and India has lost a lot of its rich culture now. In the process of westernizing its society India has suffered dilution of its rich culture.Parents think its below their dignity for the kids to converse in their mother tongue and they need to be eloquent in English. The teenagers seem to think its fashionable to have boyfriends/girlfriends and they don't take into account what the parents think about this. How far are we going to take this?India has always caught the entire world's curiosity of how the younger generation abided by what the parents said.Gone are those days.

The price we pay for moving forward is forgetting some golden principles we learnt from the previous generations. Not many countries enjoy the rich culture and diversity that our country does. We speak different languages and have different cultures in every state. We have always wondered when would be a right time for us to return to India. We have felt a yearning to be back home and feel more secure both for us and for the kids growing up in our culture.We want them to know their roots and feel proud of where they are from. Everytime I go back to India I see some of the that hope fading. My kids are very curious about their origin and like to share the information about their country and the heritage to all their American peers .They have a sense of pride of where they are from . I see a big contrast back home where kids don't seem to care. I understand that we need to let go of some of the superstitions and move forward. Learn the good from other cultures and adapt to changes but we cannot afford to forget our roots.We need to make sure we know where we are from and what we are . There should no sense of shame or hesitation in saying we are Indians. We are what we are we should be proud of that.

We are debating whether we can better teach our children to appreciate their culture and roots here or back home where its almost insignificant in the present days.I think we can pick up the good and leave out the bad and in turn show the world that we can still keep what we regarded priceless and still make huge strides growing as a stronger nation.