Toxic Talk

I read an interesting article by Dr.APJ Abdhul Kalam.It was eye opening to see how much damage we can do to ourselves by self talk. Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and made a positive comment like "I am looking nice today or I have a good hair day". Perhaps not we would most likely make comments like " I am fat" or " I wish I had a better complexion"
According to psychologists it takes seventeen positive statements to offset a negative one.When I read the article it was almost like somebody slapped me on my face .We do not intend to criticise but we do.Knowingly or unknowingly we do cause the damage everyday.
I found some interesting set of toxic vocabulary words .Notice these when you or somebody else is using them
But: Negates any words that are stated before it.
Try: Presupposes failure
If : Presupposes that you may not
Might: It does nothing definite.It leaves options for your listener'
Would Have : Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen
Could Have : Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit for it as if it did.
Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen(implies guilt)
Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.

Have you noticed doing this.When your child is running you say "don't run you are going to fall" .Likelihood is he/she will definitely fall and then you will say I told you so. I think this is a typical scenario we face everyday.I repeat this everyday with my 5 year old daughter when she is having her milk in the morning "I say you are going to spill your milk be careful" .What do you think happens ? She definitely spills it and tempers flare up because we are ready to load them in the car and now I have a mess to clean on the kitchen floor , a screaming child and frustration. I wish I had just said " Hold the cup tight and finish it up fast" . This would have a given her a more positive mental picture and she would have done exactly that.Try it. I did and it works.
I try very hard to create positive mental pictures for my kids now and they seem to be responding very well and in turn there is very little criticism that goes around at home.Its much more calmer and managable.
Examples :
Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"
Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"
Limit toxic talk from your vocabulary.Make a list of words you use to do toxic self talk or on others and you will begin to catch them yourself and change it.This is a simple exercise Dr.Abdhul Khalam suggested. It really works .Change it and feel the power of positive talk.